Dear Solomon...

Phil Wickham...."GRACE"

2007-10-04T23:03:00.000-04:00

Phil Wickham is an extremely gifted singer/songwriter. It's rare to see someone so young produce music that is on level with hall of fame performers. His voice is uplifting and his music is truth. Check out his new release: "Cannons"..now available at his website.

Boyfriend is depressed, What can I do?

2007-09-17T19:04:00.001-04:00

My Boyfriend Is really depressed! He has a serious health problem that
makes him tired and sick all the time. He is in a dead end job that is
sucking the life from him. His family wont even talk to him, they
didn't even call him to wish him happy Birthday! He is Anti-social even
tho he really wants friends and he hates my apt. where we live but he
stay cuz 1: he can't afford to live on his own and 2: He loves me and
wants me to go back to school. I feel helpless! Nothing I say or do
seems to help and we can't afford counseling or therapy and we can't
get him to a doctor because we don't have insurance. I'm at my wits end
here, how can I make him happy or even just make him feel a little
better about the future?
~R

Dear R,
Depression hits all kinds of people all across the spectrum of age,
gender, social standing, financial status, just everywhere. Sometimes
it's caused by a chemical imbalance, yes, but sometimes it's caused by
looking at circumstances instead of opportunities. First of all, is he receiving treatment for his serious health problem. That alone can contribute to depression. Your boyfriend may
have a medical condition that has induced this state of depression and
there is help for that, even without insurance. You will have to look
very hard, though. Some hospitals, clinics and even private practices
offer hardship programs for those who don't have insurance or can't afford proper treatment. Another option is that there may be a church
in your area that has trained counselors on staff. They often provide
services at little or no cost. Even if you're not religious, there will
be help for your boyfriend somewhere. Don't stop looking. Don't be
afraid or ashamed to ask for help. One thing that can help YOU is to
understand that you are not responsible for his depression or his
treatment. Before you get all "But I love him, He needs me..." Yes, all
that is true. And you can be the best support he's got. But remember
this old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him
drink." You can find help for him, but it is up to him to take the
steps toward a healthy life. In the meantime, try not to get caught up
in his unhealthy emotional state, but keep yourself healthy and
optimistic. It may be that a few counseling sessions is all he needs to
find the flame that's hiding inside him, or he may need to be on
medication for awhile. Either way, help him to look up, to see the
opportunities and beauty of the simple things. Take a walk in the
sunshine. Have a picnic in the courtyard. Walk in the rain, even! Have
a pillow fight. Have a staring contest. Just look outside your four
walls and have fun.
~Solomon

Purpose In Life

2007-09-13T01:34:00.001-04:00

Dear Solmon,
Why, if there's no purpose to life should your life have any purpose? Think about it.You go about everyday doing the little things that are so important to you but why? What difference or impact does your actions have in the great scheme of things. Are you really that important?
~A.D.

Dear A.D.,
Your first statement assumes that there is no purpose to life. Sometimes we can feel that way, but be aware that feelings can often fool you. Here's what I've learned. We do have a purpose in life. And because we have a purpose, we have to set goals to live up to that purpose. Some are short-term and some are long term and some are completely embedded in our very existence. Our main purpose is to reflect well on our Maker, from birth, through death and beyond. That's all well and good until we decide that's not enough. We want something else, something more. Feelings of worthlessness come about when we stop looking at the One who made us and start looking at what we've made ourselves. What's wrong with doing little things from day to day? That's the way He made us. We have the opportunity to make someone happy, to help someone out, to shine a little brighter in a sometimes dark world. On the other hand, we sometimes are around so others will have someone to help or cheer up. While some people do make a bigger impact on their city, country, culture, even the world, they still must do those "little things" every day like the rest of us. It's just the way they do those little things that set them apart. And remember..."impact" can be good or bad. You are already an important person, probably a lot more important than you realize right now. You make an impact on everyone you know, everyone you talk to and even everyone who reads your letter. Don't sell yourself short. You have a great purpose and can do things that I could never do. You can reach people that I will never see or talk to. Your purpose is to make the Maker proud. (and me too..let me know how you're doing)

You Are Amazing!

2007-09-09T04:00:00.001-04:00

Girls are like

apples on trees. The best

ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for

the good ones because they are afraid

of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they

just get the rotten apples from the ground

that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples

at the top think something is wrong with

them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right

boy to come along, the one

who's brave enough
to climb

all the way

to the top

of the tree.

borrowed from megan

Abuse, Divorce, Remarriage?

2007-09-05T21:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Solomon,
I have been separated from my husband for 4 years. He was abusive and hasn't changed. I haven't talked to him in all that time, and I'm not really even sure where he's living. Anyway, I wasn't looking for a new relationship, just living on my own, until I stumbled across an old flame from 20 years ago. Long story short, we fell in love all over again. We've been careful to avoid getting too close, but it's getting harder and harder. I know that he is my "soul-mate" and being with him feels like the absolute right thing. I was taught that divorce wasn't an option, but now, I have a need to go on with my life and to build a future with someone who loves me. What about divorce in this situation? And remarriage? What's the right thing to do?
~"mary smith" Florida

Dear Mary,
God did allow for divorce under certain circumstances. He also instructs us to treat our spouses respectfully. Your husband was abusive and probably still has that tendency. My experience with abusers and domestic violence survivors has led me to believe that the pattern of abuse breaks the vow your husband made to love, honor and respect you. You did the right thing by getting out of that home, now you're wondering if you should get out of the marriage. Here's my opinion: the divorce should have been made final within a year of your separation. Don't wait any longer. By not divorcing him, you are holding on to that tie that kept you in the relationship in the first place: his power over you. Let go and move on. As far as this "new/old" man in your life, take your time. It's easy to fall into an old familiar routine when you've been alone for a long time. Remarriage isn't always a bad thing, but it can be complicated by the "baggage" each person brings into a new marriage. Get to know each other again and see where the relationship leads.
~Solomon

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Dear Solomon...

2007-09-02T01:45:00.000-04:00

I have a problem and don't know what to do. Where can I find the answers I need and the support to follow through on them?
~Everyman

Dear Everyman,
Send your questions, problems, comments, stories, victories, puzzlement...to Dear Solomon. Wisdom was meant to be shared by all. "This too shall pass."
~Solomon

Do you have questions about love, money, health, friends, career, or other issues that seem to trouble you? Don't you wish you had all the answer? Well, don't worry. Just send your questions to Dear Solomon and the answers will come. Visit our website or send us an email, but PLEASE, read the letter guidelines before submitting.

You are not alone. Talk to someone. Write it out and send it in, and see if things don't start to get better.

~Solomon