Dear Solomon,
I have been separated from my husband for 4 years. He was abusive and hasn't changed. I haven't talked to him in all that time, and I'm not really even sure where he's living. Anyway, I wasn't looking for a new relationship, just living on my own, until I stumbled across an old flame from 20 years ago. Long story short, we fell in love all over again. We've been careful to avoid getting too close, but it's getting harder and harder. I know that he is my "soul-mate" and being with him feels like the absolute right thing. I was taught that divorce wasn't an option, but now, I have a need to go on with my life and to build a future with someone who loves me. What about divorce in this situation? And remarriage? What's the right thing to do?
~"mary smith" Florida
Dear Mary,
God did allow for divorce under certain circumstances. He also instructs us to treat our spouses respectfully. Your husband was abusive and probably still has that tendency. My experience with abusers and domestic violence survivors has led me to believe that the pattern of abuse breaks the vow your husband made to love, honor and respect you. You did the right thing by getting out of that home, now you're wondering if you should get out of the marriage. Here's my opinion: the divorce should have been made final within a year of your separation. Don't wait any longer. By not divorcing him, you are holding on to that tie that kept you in the relationship in the first place: his power over you. Let go and move on. As far as this "new/old" man in your life, take your time. It's easy to fall into an old familiar routine when you've been alone for a long time. Remarriage isn't always a bad thing, but it can be complicated by the "baggage" each person brings into a new marriage. Get to know each other again and see where the relationship leads.
~Solomon
Technorati Tags: dearsolomon, solomon, advice, divorce, marriage, remarriage, abuse, domesticviolence, problem, answer, God
I have been separated from my husband for 4 years. He was abusive and hasn't changed. I haven't talked to him in all that time, and I'm not really even sure where he's living. Anyway, I wasn't looking for a new relationship, just living on my own, until I stumbled across an old flame from 20 years ago. Long story short, we fell in love all over again. We've been careful to avoid getting too close, but it's getting harder and harder. I know that he is my "soul-mate" and being with him feels like the absolute right thing. I was taught that divorce wasn't an option, but now, I have a need to go on with my life and to build a future with someone who loves me. What about divorce in this situation? And remarriage? What's the right thing to do?
~"mary smith" Florida
Dear Mary,
God did allow for divorce under certain circumstances. He also instructs us to treat our spouses respectfully. Your husband was abusive and probably still has that tendency. My experience with abusers and domestic violence survivors has led me to believe that the pattern of abuse breaks the vow your husband made to love, honor and respect you. You did the right thing by getting out of that home, now you're wondering if you should get out of the marriage. Here's my opinion: the divorce should have been made final within a year of your separation. Don't wait any longer. By not divorcing him, you are holding on to that tie that kept you in the relationship in the first place: his power over you. Let go and move on. As far as this "new/old" man in your life, take your time. It's easy to fall into an old familiar routine when you've been alone for a long time. Remarriage isn't always a bad thing, but it can be complicated by the "baggage" each person brings into a new marriage. Get to know each other again and see where the relationship leads.
~Solomon
Technorati Tags: dearsolomon, solomon, advice, divorce, marriage, remarriage, abuse, domesticviolence, problem, answer, God
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